Why People Have Sexual Fantasies About Things They Don’t Want To Do in Real Life

A sexual fantasy is an image or idea of something that is arousing to you. It might be something you desire doing, or something you simply enjoy thinking about doing. Because of this imagination component, some sexual fantasies center on things we have no interest doing in real life. For instance, maybe you've caught yourself fantasizing about cheating on your partner or some other scenario that doesn't align with your values and isn't reflective of how you'd act in real life. While it's easy to assume that fantasies are a direct blueprint to the erotic desires we'd like to see out, sex experts say this isn't always the case: There are reasons you have sexual fantasies you don't want to act on in real life.
“[Sexual fantasies] are a way of combining memories with desires and other emotions to achieve some sort of outcome,” says Dulcinea Pitagora, PhD, a psychotherapist and sex therapist. You might imagine a detailed account of a past sexual experience or of a made-up person, celebrity, or even an alien spanking you, taking control, or performing sexual acts on them. You can have sexual fantasies about absolutely anything, and when that does include situations you don't consciously aim to live out, feelings of shame can emerge. But according to experts, there’s no need to devote much thought to content of your sexual fantasies that don't reflect your real-life instincts or desires.
Why People Have Sexual Fantasies About Things They Don’t Want To Do in Real Life